Gosh, I can't believe how shitty I feel right now! The people around me really sucked. All of them, haiz.... Tupid Avrel wrecked my thoughts, I am attracted to any guy already. All of them sucked in my opinion.

Happiness only last for a moment and depression seemed like forever. If I ever manage to get happy again, I will let that moment be so memoriable

Sian.ZzZzz.....

I have to blog in school because I had came early to get my psychomotor skills perfected. Yeah, I know I am a pretty kiasu person in general but I have to really practise alot to increase my confidence during the skills assessment. But my friends didn't even bother to come because they were just doing what a normal human should do; be self-centred and 如我为中心， 目中无人。I can't blame them for being like that because we are people who are always turning towards the dark side.

Darn... How come my heart just says that I am really going to be a pathetic splinster forever just like niao ka bell. Yesterday, I was reading about why some women always gets the same guys for their steads then in my mind was thinking, "one guy also don't have, then think so much about making a list on what types of guys I have, what attributes I want from a guy" So sucks loh, life. Don't even to stand a chance for such things. Darn, am I fated or something? When some things really don't work out to the way I want them to be, I just to say I am a person of isolation. Those couples holding hands and stuff really makes me feel like crap.

Am I that pathetically hopeless? Although my friend, Av*** really treats me damn nice but he is still trying to keep a distance from me. Yeah, I can sense it. Why do I always have to suffer all these useless emotional threats? Maybe I am just being cursed by this pathetic skin. I wonder why people are so darn practical when it comes to integrument disorders. People don't care about obesity, height, stupidity but integrument disorder are just a nono to people out there.

Haiz... Nothing is going to cheer me up. Since there is nobody active in hyper relay, then nobody is there to crap about. I mean why do I still bother to think about him almost 24 hour in a day? It's practically useless and it has no future. I just have to prevent myself from making myself daydream about me geting intimate with someone because basically nobody truely give a damn about dirt.

I don't want to think anymore! Why do I bother to help people anyway? I get nothing back in return and I am still treated like dirt!

darn.. I can't access to the xanga website. However, there is an access to blogger. What's the meaning of this? This is purely unfair. Haizz...

I think I am abit of stupid today. I keep daydreaming and my eyes can't stop feeling so heavy. If there is a bed right infront of me, I would collapse right in front of it now. Now I know my memory is really failing me ever since I knew that I suddenly forgot my school's password. If that is so, I will not have much faith in myself in remembering simple things.

If my brain has a defragment program, I will clear away those useless memories like those I was in great pain. If I could install it, that would make my life much easier. I won't dwell on the unnecessary. That's because I have too many regrets in my life.

drowning myself in music

To think everything has ended and I won't have the reason to feel depress. Going away from home for a while is good. Well away from my mom and my irritating elder brother. I cannot click will with my mom because she is really unreasonable and power has clouded her wisdom to talk sensibly.

No one can understand how I feel. That amount of chronic stress living in my endocrine system had been fed with epinephrine and norepinephrine till it's all dried up. And finally, I am able to breathe the air of relaxation. My mom just have to stress me up with things that aren't worth stressing about.

All I want now is to stay far far from the word, "stress". A distance that I am not able to reach at all. I need to stock up my epinephrine for the next semester. I bet it will be another yr of depression and suffering.

I have to stop talking so much about negative stuff. Because I am on a holiday. The mood should be carefree. What is in my mind should be a word of " let's be calm and relax" Ommm....

Yes... My name was deleted from the list of couples. I am free from the claws of denial.