Sigh... No body speak up for me at home

Once again, I feel really miserable with everybody opposing to the things I love to do. Only person at home who stick up to me is my only solid support, dad. My mom gets irritated when I speak to her nowadays, simply because she is menopausing. She complains to be ill-fated, what the wonderfull childhood she had. She is always missing out the finer things in life.

She ignores me and always engage the conversation about herself. Who won't be irritated? Does life work like a ball. She is starting to act like a kid who is totally egocentric. A useless grumbling brother at home, he loves sticking up to my mom, and hates whatever I do. Not encouraging me in anything. *sobs* He laughs at my photoshop art, sad life. An anti-cutiepie.

I feel really disturbed by my dreams that pose a pseudo-relationship, first giving me false hope of that person and a clouded judgement. I want to stop dreaming at night.

My friend wants to join some community service thing. I really don't want them to repeat the same mistake as me. What's so good about cleaning tiolets and washing the dishes? You never get paid doing this. In fact, they are waiting for people to help them do their chores. How pathetic?

Am I an ophan to you? I feel that when people look at me, they see a bullied, firece dog. I came from a background whereby I was bullied many times until i made a stereotype on everybody.

I am now having anger and at the same time pity on a person. I have this strong urge to talk to XX person. I want to talk to someone about my problems, my life. Sadly nobody can compare to my dad.

Still griefing over my dad after 2 years

It going to be almost 2 years and I am moaning over a huge loss. Firstly, nothing is cheering me up, I thought passing my practical test and the A from my presentation was my pride that could last months. But no, this grief is so strong that it needs a 3rd-generation anti-infective.

I wished God of Luck shower more stronger happiness on me. This grief never ends, does my have to be so painful? I struggled so much what do I get? more and more grief. It's that what he plans? A sad and unbalanced life. GOL owes me lots.

Gosh tomorrow would be my bio practical test, i must obtain an A for both practical and theory. I hope it's easy or else i shall kill myself tomorrow.

Curses Singapore hospitals...

I want to cry, *sobs*. I wish i can tell this to a foreigner who loves his country. Singapore firstly is very small, history is shallow too. Nothing like the 3 classics of china. With weak foundation, my country put others into consideration. This could be good and bad. When you consider too much of other countries, you then to compare. And when our government compares, the mindset of "the grass is always greener at the other side" develops.

Having such a mindset causes people to have low self-esteem. Therefore, outside is good, singaporeans are *fill in the negative adjectives*. So you see, that's why I can't get a simple sponorship from our local hospitals, they think of other countries before the citizens. What is a privilege of being a citizen??

Vote? What for? PAP always wins. there are not really many advantages though. Army sucked too. Being a foreigner is better than being a citizen. CPF? Arhh, I will have to work till i die.

They will never cater for we, citizens. They like to use this stereotype on foreigners; hard-working, service-oriented. It's a fucking stereotype man!!!! Not everyone is like that, and not every singaporean is lazy although we are too comfortable at home. I hate those singaporean classmates of mine who got the sponsorship and is a damn lazy person.

That is worse compare to foreigners. Curse all hospitals in singapore!!!! This give my another reason to hate a country that is corrupted.

CSS, pretty fun i shall say

Just starting to learn something new. I am so influence by my friend who makes good blogs layouts. She's a professional. I really admired people of such nature. If only i had an elder sister, i am sure to follow every part of her footsteps if she was impressive.

Hey, god of luck is with me these few days. I've got A for my drug card!!! Can you believe it? An A for a presentation! It isn't very easy you know. *Kisses GOL*. I forgot to thank him for all the luck he gave me during clinical assessment, *kisses GOL* again. Life's great when he is on my side.

I just need GOL again for my sponorship. He has to help me out, all these years of good deeds never pays. This is the right time he help me out. I've tried almost 3 hospital and i wished he could give me a sprinkle of his luck dust.

Still unable to get my feet down on studying. Shucks. Too much happiness to spare... "A"s and an immediate pass. Which girl won't feel happy?

How can this be?

GOL is getting mad, he gains too much power to alter all my luck. Now he is trying to act cupid, making me fall in love with someone over and over again. What gives GOL a hard job is the way I hated the guy he targets at so much. I really hated him because he made me terribly jealous the last time, having me feel like a jerk and a dumb ass.

Now GOL tries different means and ways to make me change my mind on him.

1. He attacks my soft side which is the unconsious side of me. How smart of him to use my dream as a bait to his success
2. Personally prevent my friend Dee going home with me.

To think this incident was repeated twice in my life whereby I hate this person in the beginning and I get crazy about him the next moment. This is crazy, out of this world.

Would GOL stop this craze? I am getting strong nowadays, never accepting to fates. I let fate accept my decision. Any more tricks?

To add to the domination of my religion; GOL also alters the relationships between people, almost like a cupid. Actually he is also quite a versatile being, 1 or 2 sentences can't decribe his qualities. What matter is he exist in my life?

Lets call my religion: Lukism. All followers are Lukists and they believe in the one and only: God of luck. Cool!!! Lukism, A new generation.

Back to that guy, to think i had high love levels 3 times. But hey, my personal record.Siao! The last record had only one peak but slow release just like enteric-coated meds(KCl). Wow, i am bring up my pharmacos. Gee, my attention span as what my brother say is right! It sucks. Why?why?