Never talk about your social life to me!!!

I will feel tortured. Read this story of mine.

Yesterday, I told my friend that the biggest mistake in my life is to step into my secondary school. I told her, "我觉得当时我已经走错路了。不然，我就不会到这种地步."

Sigh. Why do I always feel that I don't belong to anywhere? Where ever I go, I feel out of place. At least, my life now is better than before. I used to live in a world where the people around me are cold or nasty. There's this voice saying, "You don't belong here, go away!"

There's one time at an event, it was a maths trail. No one wanted to made me become their member. I just pick any group by following to where ever they go. They didn't feel sorry for me and moreover insult my inteligence by saying nasty things. They tried means and ways to trash me.

Luckily, I was too ignorant to care much about them. What really hurt me the most was when that person, WT, called me 跟壁虫 to my friend who knew me during primary school. Don't you think that person is nasty? What have I done wrong to deserve this?

That year, one by one all my friends became to leave me. I feel so devastated. Am I that unpopular? I even thought WT spread rumours and everyone hated me like I was some kind of a virus. There was an evidence that proved everything.

WT's friend accidentally touched me and she retracted offensively and WT said," 不用怕！回家洗下藻就可以了。" Pure prejudice! In my life I've never seen such an ass before. Since then, I hated life. I yelled to the mirror everytime I went home.

"Why... Why must I face such prejudice in my life? I never chose to be like this." For some days, I didn't dare look into the mirror. All I was going to see was a person who had suffered contempt. I didn't liked the person I was controlling because the real me is different from what people see from my shell.

When I went on to secondary three, I thought I was free from my enermies. However, there was a side effect, my class was all cold and unfriendly, they mingled only with their previous classmates and once again, I was alone again. The classmates that knew me were even colder and vicious.

Is this how fate had arranged for me?

I can obtain anything but... Social wise, I am beaten. You will never know me through your friends because my social network is so limited. In secondary school, there were these very few words that I vandalise on tables:

1. life sux
2. chinese stinks
3. 好心没好报

That's all! It's a tragic to be me. I worked hard and everyone treated it like I am an extra to this society. I had a best friend during secondary school and she was a really sensitive person. We quarrelled once a month but we still got together. Once she scolded me 活不耐烦。 I felt that was really heart breaking. Well, now I can admit to that because you people keep taking advantage of me.

A bad start for me in poly I suppose. When people say about their private and social life, I felt tortured. I had never experienced it.

I used to think that what I see in people is that simple and striaghtfoward. I am starting to change this mindset already. I will now learn to speak in simple vocab to strangers because I know using too much chim language could hurt their intelligence.