Life is so unfair. I think the interviewers are totally blinded by ghost, wrong judgment. How can they approve a person who smokes? All I do need is a sweet tongue, flexible stream of thoughts and abit of a cheerful smile to please the interviewers. But I am not a perfect hostress as a whole.
If I were to be blessed with all that wonderful character, i won't be studying as a nurse already by now. I would be doing business courses etc.. They simply do not understand what a nurse-to- be would possess if you want her to have a 6 years bond. If i were to be an interviewer, i would probably choose someone who shows care and have a genuine love for nursing. Ya. that's what they should have in their checklist.
Too bad, their judgments are blinded all the time.
I went to hougang mall today to get my monthly dose of you mian. I think i am addicted to that particular hand-made noodle stall. No other stall can be a rival to it's unqiue taste that doesn't add MSG.
Do you think they added poppy? i think not. I ate it monthly. if it's got poppy, i probably be dying to eat another bowl.
I met my friend's 19 year old friend today, dodo (not her real name). My friend, soso(not her real name), was planning to meet dodo after she has finished her work. I can't believe dodo worked longer then she told soso. I waited an extra 15 min.
When dodo came out, she stared at me with despise. You don't have to look at me like that, where was her basic courtesy. I waited 15 min and not a single sorry was said to me. Even if you dun want to say that simple word of sorry, you could have being less sort of contemn body language.
I hate people who look down on me whether is it results or the type of interest i have. What they say is different from their actual feelings about me. "nursing is good..." followed by a painted happy look on their faces.
I can see through any fake expression from their body language. whilst talking to my mother, my grandma would say, "your elder son is entering NUS next year and your second son got good grades for his A levels,.." there she goes promoting my brothers achievements every now and then. She never talks good about me that is genuine.
When it comes to me, she would suddenly have a change in her face, either jerky or extra happy. I know this is definately fake expressions of her thoughts, "nursing is very good" That's all she knows, she prove herself with only 2 or more sentences. After that she would go on promoting my brothers again.
She would talk about their younger days. Sadly never mine. Doesn't all these actions point to contempt. Why am i always judged by my achievements?
How can dodo not exchange that smile i give her? pure contempt. I had that feeling when i first met her. Or maybe she just act that way to strangers. thats ok for me. I must give allowance to her.
How can i give way to my grandma who judge me by my achievements? She is just a typical singaporean. Singaporeans want winners and that include man-u, chalsea, etc. Singaporean never support S-league. She doesn't like to talk about a loser like me.
I feel that this is a great waste of web space talking about despicable people. Once my mom asked me,"why don't you want to give her a call? she's your grandmother."
The would be a good answer for her next time:
"So what if she's my grandmother? She never take me into account as her grandaughter. She never carry out her role as a grandmother to me. The word "grandmother" is just her status."
"You won't know what it's like to be lonely when you're old."Mom continues to force me to mend a relationship that hasn't even being built yet.
"What she is experiencing now is the product of her doings way back when i was young. Good relationships doesn't start happening just like that. It develops through time and acceptance. So never expect me to call her like i ever felt bonded."
Wow, i didn't know i could argue so well while blogging. It's probably because i am free from hurting people's feelings. I care too much of people's feelings that i even get bullied easily. I started weighing the pros and cons of being a person like me.
- First of all, god blessed me with caring heart. I always see things from other people's point of view which includes caring too much of how people feel, pity less fortunate people. This in turn i get bullied easily.
- God blessed me with a smooth and youthful face that seldom develops acne. I once thought having a better body than a smooth face was wonderful. However, after looking at dodo's situation (best slender body but a port-marked face) isn't that great. I prefered a smooth face.
- God also blessed me with a good father for 15 years of my life. I am happy with what i had before. I cannot wish for more. This is too much happiness god have to spare for me.
- God blessed me as the only female child in the family. As the only female child in the family, i get undivided attention from my dad and my mom. no sharing of clothings and jealousy over small things. Don't forget i have a very low threshold of jealousy; I get jealous easily.
- God blessed me with a good mother that can support the family without giving up. I love my mom although she doesn't feel it. She is the only person left on earth i can hug. I can share nursing skills with her. Don't you think i started out as a nursing student pretty well? Always there when i need her.
Wow, after writing all these it feels good to be me. Everytime i get an unlucky day, i would sure to read this whole list of thanks once again. Deo gratias.
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