What for moan over something for the past 1 week? I finally recover from unemployment syndrone, it took me a week to realise i was crying over spilled milk. I announce myself officially a retrenched worker from motorola, tech point. Doesn't it feels good when you are relieved from the suspense?
I am not sure what had happened to my friend who sounded like she had a sucidal tendency by reading her blog i can see she has a very delicate life. She's putting me into suspense again. She taught me how to be kiasu. I've got to thank her for everything when we'll back
I can't believe an earthquake could kill 40k people. I wondered why the weather forecasts ignored all the tell-tale signs of an earthquake. And the government ignored the warning too. A few 100 people's blunder had lead to a death toll of 40k. These people must be having a bad time getting to sleep. I was glad i wasn't drained away by the flood that happened so near to home or else my planned future would be total ruined.
This disaster has a great influence to me, i kept dreaming that i faced a disater. Firstly i was at this earthquake disaster training center. I didn't know what it was. Walking on the narrow path of the sandy bridge(it seems bottomless from there), out of a sudden, a huge wave (5 storeys high) came over to engulf me. I grib tightly onto the edge of the bridge but to no avail, i fell down.
I got up with no harm done. Then everyone walked out of the dark jungle like a dark room. There i finally come to thought it was a simulator. Cool!
The first time, i started seeing the night so bright, i was 1am in the morning and i felt like 9 am in the morning. The conversation with my cousin was still fresh in my mind. It occured at my home
"Why now so bright?" I told my 11 yr old cousin, JH. I was actually feeling quite sleepy at that time. I glanced at my wall clock, 1 am in the morning.
"dunno..."
"what you mean you dunno? it's 1 am in the morning. 1 am leh! not 1pm." I reprimanded her as i always do. The entired house was brightly lit, i looked out of the window, all i saw was a bright orangey yellow sky.
Moments later, a coach from nowhere parked at the kerb and dozens of people came out to watch something spectacular at this time of the "night".
I saw something strange, a rocket was heading towards a power plant that my dream had replaced with the petrol station in real life.
Such exciting dreams. I elected cross-cultural psychology as my complementary elective, obviously for a person who adores psychology so much. Good night, sorry for this late post. I accidentally deleted the last one.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Thursday, December 23, 2004
I can tolerate this throat!!!
My throat got swollen for no particular reason, probably because of the "no work" stress i am having now. This is rediculous! I such a hard core workaholic. That i shall admit. I can't spend a cent without seeing myself not working for 8 days.
yesterday was my pay day and i wasn't feeling happy but worse. A feeling that a hokkien word can describe; pek chek!
Anybody who's got his pay would be feeling rather estatic, over the moon. But not me... I am crying for my job back and all these illness(which include my stubborn rashes too) would be gone as soon as possible.
Ah yes. Before i go on, add isomia to the list of illnesses.
Why do my company treat me like toys? when they want you, they beg for u to come back. When they don't want you, you leave you in a dark and tell you nothing about what is happening to the production area.
I feel like a pathetic beggar kneeling and clutching the shirt of the CEO saying, "Please give me back my job! I beg you."
***
While lying on the bed, i can't help but keep comparing myself with someone more fortunate then me. The list of the advantage of being me, can't overcome her. I begin to feel small and useless. I must increase the no. of advantages of being me.
yesterday was my pay day and i wasn't feeling happy but worse. A feeling that a hokkien word can describe; pek chek!
Anybody who's got his pay would be feeling rather estatic, over the moon. But not me... I am crying for my job back and all these illness(which include my stubborn rashes too) would be gone as soon as possible.
Ah yes. Before i go on, add isomia to the list of illnesses.
Why do my company treat me like toys? when they want you, they beg for u to come back. When they don't want you, you leave you in a dark and tell you nothing about what is happening to the production area.
I feel like a pathetic beggar kneeling and clutching the shirt of the CEO saying, "Please give me back my job! I beg you."
***
While lying on the bed, i can't help but keep comparing myself with someone more fortunate then me. The list of the advantage of being me, can't overcome her. I begin to feel small and useless. I must increase the no. of advantages of being me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
No work? I am doom...
I am out of job for 1 week!!!! I want to work. Call me workaholic for all I care. I need $$ for my future, days of schooling. I am hopeless when it comes to sponsorships. I simply don't have the charisma with interviewers.
Life is so unfair. I think the interviewers are totally blinded by ghost, wrong judgment. How can they approve a person who smokes? All I do need is a sweet tongue, flexible stream of thoughts and abit of a cheerful smile to please the interviewers. But I am not a perfect hostress as a whole.
If I were to be blessed with all that wonderful character, i won't be studying as a nurse already by now. I would be doing business courses etc.. They simply do not understand what a nurse-to- be would possess if you want her to have a 6 years bond. If i were to be an interviewer, i would probably choose someone who shows care and have a genuine love for nursing. Ya. that's what they should have in their checklist.
Too bad, their judgments are blinded all the time.
I went to hougang mall today to get my monthly dose of you mian. I think i am addicted to that particular hand-made noodle stall. No other stall can be a rival to it's unqiue taste that doesn't add MSG.
Do you think they added poppy? i think not. I ate it monthly. if it's got poppy, i probably be dying to eat another bowl.
I met my friend's 19 year old friend today, dodo (not her real name). My friend, soso(not her real name), was planning to meet dodo after she has finished her work. I can't believe dodo worked longer then she told soso. I waited an extra 15 min.
When dodo came out, she stared at me with despise. You don't have to look at me like that, where was her basic courtesy. I waited 15 min and not a single sorry was said to me. Even if you dun want to say that simple word of sorry, you could have being less sort of contemn body language.
I hate people who look down on me whether is it results or the type of interest i have. What they say is different from their actual feelings about me. "nursing is good..." followed by a painted happy look on their faces.
I can see through any fake expression from their body language. whilst talking to my mother, my grandma would say, "your elder son is entering NUS next year and your second son got good grades for his A levels,.." there she goes promoting my brothers achievements every now and then. She never talks good about me that is genuine.
When it comes to me, she would suddenly have a change in her face, either jerky or extra happy. I know this is definately fake expressions of her thoughts, "nursing is very good" That's all she knows, she prove herself with only 2 or more sentences. After that she would go on promoting my brothers again.
She would talk about their younger days. Sadly never mine. Doesn't all these actions point to contempt. Why am i always judged by my achievements?
How can dodo not exchange that smile i give her? pure contempt. I had that feeling when i first met her. Or maybe she just act that way to strangers. thats ok for me. I must give allowance to her.
How can i give way to my grandma who judge me by my achievements? She is just a typical singaporean. Singaporeans want winners and that include man-u, chalsea, etc. Singaporean never support S-league. She doesn't like to talk about a loser like me.
I feel that this is a great waste of web space talking about despicable people. Once my mom asked me,"why don't you want to give her a call? she's your grandmother."
The would be a good answer for her next time:
"So what if she's my grandmother? She never take me into account as her grandaughter. She never carry out her role as a grandmother to me. The word "grandmother" is just her status."
"You won't know what it's like to be lonely when you're old."Mom continues to force me to mend a relationship that hasn't even being built yet.
"What she is experiencing now is the product of her doings way back when i was young. Good relationships doesn't start happening just like that. It develops through time and acceptance. So never expect me to call her like i ever felt bonded."
Wow, i didn't know i could argue so well while blogging. It's probably because i am free from hurting people's feelings. I care too much of people's feelings that i even get bullied easily. I started weighing the pros and cons of being a person like me.
Life is so unfair. I think the interviewers are totally blinded by ghost, wrong judgment. How can they approve a person who smokes? All I do need is a sweet tongue, flexible stream of thoughts and abit of a cheerful smile to please the interviewers. But I am not a perfect hostress as a whole.
If I were to be blessed with all that wonderful character, i won't be studying as a nurse already by now. I would be doing business courses etc.. They simply do not understand what a nurse-to- be would possess if you want her to have a 6 years bond. If i were to be an interviewer, i would probably choose someone who shows care and have a genuine love for nursing. Ya. that's what they should have in their checklist.
Too bad, their judgments are blinded all the time.
I went to hougang mall today to get my monthly dose of you mian. I think i am addicted to that particular hand-made noodle stall. No other stall can be a rival to it's unqiue taste that doesn't add MSG.
Do you think they added poppy? i think not. I ate it monthly. if it's got poppy, i probably be dying to eat another bowl.
I met my friend's 19 year old friend today, dodo (not her real name). My friend, soso(not her real name), was planning to meet dodo after she has finished her work. I can't believe dodo worked longer then she told soso. I waited an extra 15 min.
When dodo came out, she stared at me with despise. You don't have to look at me like that, where was her basic courtesy. I waited 15 min and not a single sorry was said to me. Even if you dun want to say that simple word of sorry, you could have being less sort of contemn body language.
I hate people who look down on me whether is it results or the type of interest i have. What they say is different from their actual feelings about me. "nursing is good..." followed by a painted happy look on their faces.
I can see through any fake expression from their body language. whilst talking to my mother, my grandma would say, "your elder son is entering NUS next year and your second son got good grades for his A levels,.." there she goes promoting my brothers achievements every now and then. She never talks good about me that is genuine.
When it comes to me, she would suddenly have a change in her face, either jerky or extra happy. I know this is definately fake expressions of her thoughts, "nursing is very good" That's all she knows, she prove herself with only 2 or more sentences. After that she would go on promoting my brothers again.
She would talk about their younger days. Sadly never mine. Doesn't all these actions point to contempt. Why am i always judged by my achievements?
How can dodo not exchange that smile i give her? pure contempt. I had that feeling when i first met her. Or maybe she just act that way to strangers. thats ok for me. I must give allowance to her.
How can i give way to my grandma who judge me by my achievements? She is just a typical singaporean. Singaporeans want winners and that include man-u, chalsea, etc. Singaporean never support S-league. She doesn't like to talk about a loser like me.
I feel that this is a great waste of web space talking about despicable people. Once my mom asked me,"why don't you want to give her a call? she's your grandmother."
The would be a good answer for her next time:
"So what if she's my grandmother? She never take me into account as her grandaughter. She never carry out her role as a grandmother to me. The word "grandmother" is just her status."
"You won't know what it's like to be lonely when you're old."Mom continues to force me to mend a relationship that hasn't even being built yet.
"What she is experiencing now is the product of her doings way back when i was young. Good relationships doesn't start happening just like that. It develops through time and acceptance. So never expect me to call her like i ever felt bonded."
Wow, i didn't know i could argue so well while blogging. It's probably because i am free from hurting people's feelings. I care too much of people's feelings that i even get bullied easily. I started weighing the pros and cons of being a person like me.
- First of all, god blessed me with caring heart. I always see things from other people's point of view which includes caring too much of how people feel, pity less fortunate people. This in turn i get bullied easily.
- God blessed me with a smooth and youthful face that seldom develops acne. I once thought having a better body than a smooth face was wonderful. However, after looking at dodo's situation (best slender body but a port-marked face) isn't that great. I prefered a smooth face.
- God also blessed me with a good father for 15 years of my life. I am happy with what i had before. I cannot wish for more. This is too much happiness god have to spare for me.
- God blessed me as the only female child in the family. As the only female child in the family, i get undivided attention from my dad and my mom. no sharing of clothings and jealousy over small things. Don't forget i have a very low threshold of jealousy; I get jealous easily.
- God blessed me with a good mother that can support the family without giving up. I love my mom although she doesn't feel it. She is the only person left on earth i can hug. I can share nursing skills with her. Don't you think i started out as a nursing student pretty well? Always there when i need her.
Wow, after writing all these it feels good to be me. Everytime i get an unlucky day, i would sure to read this whole list of thanks once again. Deo gratias.
Monday, December 20, 2004
What is it like to know your deathday?
I won't want to know although it would be good for a lazy person like me. I am such a lazy person come to think of it. I let time pass by like the waves. What is worse, I care too much about tomorrow when today hasn't over yet.
You would be saying that I am crazy because thinking about tomorrow is right thing to do. That's what I have been doing for the last 17 years. From as young as 7, every child would want to grow up fast and get all the previleges that an adult has such as getting a handphone, going home late etc. However, while i was young, i didn't thought about the great amount of responsiblity i need to handle before i get those previleges.
As a child, we want time to pass quickly, as fast as possible so that we can know the adult's perspective. That is a form of future planning.
When i became a teen, i thought growing up fast really stinks and i want it to stop where it is. At that point of time, i want to get out of secondary school quick to enjoy polytechnic life where there is no rules, no assembly and no uniform.
Now in polytechnic, i kept thinking about the next semester where i am going to surgerical ward and things are going to get really difficult. As you can see, i hate difficult things. I always want difficult things to become easy for me. Take for example, i took additional mathematics in secondary 3. It started out like hell! I redid and redid the sums over and over again. Well, i felt it was easy by the time i was secondary 4. I just merely get a B4. From a F9 quality to B4. Not bad already for a stupid person like me, down to earth, narrow-minded(unflexible) and strong-willed.
These qualities of a human can't survive in this society. I am bound to lose out in the end. So as you see, i am so full of hope for the future. Just imagine i stop breathing for the next day and all my plans i worked out for 10 years are ruined. I am sure to become a ghost with many unfinished business.
After reading this blogger who wrote the last days of her life, i think i should always live the day fully. If you wanna have a look, this is the link:
http://dyingis.blogspot.com
I got this from the local newspaper. And once again, cutiepie the emotionally unstable blogger has proof her point. I am so useless at been very strong when dealing with emotional unstablity. The next thing i am going to do is to make this difficult task into an easy one. There i go again, gosh...
I love photoshop!!! I treat it like a computer game now, haha... It's so fun, i am glad i knew how to use it. In order to be a good photo editor, one must possess a good imagination and have an ideal judgement of good lighting and colour.
Good skill doesn't come from nowhere. It develops from practices.
You would be saying that I am crazy because thinking about tomorrow is right thing to do. That's what I have been doing for the last 17 years. From as young as 7, every child would want to grow up fast and get all the previleges that an adult has such as getting a handphone, going home late etc. However, while i was young, i didn't thought about the great amount of responsiblity i need to handle before i get those previleges.
As a child, we want time to pass quickly, as fast as possible so that we can know the adult's perspective. That is a form of future planning.
When i became a teen, i thought growing up fast really stinks and i want it to stop where it is. At that point of time, i want to get out of secondary school quick to enjoy polytechnic life where there is no rules, no assembly and no uniform.
Now in polytechnic, i kept thinking about the next semester where i am going to surgerical ward and things are going to get really difficult. As you can see, i hate difficult things. I always want difficult things to become easy for me. Take for example, i took additional mathematics in secondary 3. It started out like hell! I redid and redid the sums over and over again. Well, i felt it was easy by the time i was secondary 4. I just merely get a B4. From a F9 quality to B4. Not bad already for a stupid person like me, down to earth, narrow-minded(unflexible) and strong-willed.
These qualities of a human can't survive in this society. I am bound to lose out in the end. So as you see, i am so full of hope for the future. Just imagine i stop breathing for the next day and all my plans i worked out for 10 years are ruined. I am sure to become a ghost with many unfinished business.
After reading this blogger who wrote the last days of her life, i think i should always live the day fully. If you wanna have a look, this is the link:
http://dyingis.blogspot.com
I got this from the local newspaper. And once again, cutiepie the emotionally unstable blogger has proof her point. I am so useless at been very strong when dealing with emotional unstablity. The next thing i am going to do is to make this difficult task into an easy one. There i go again, gosh...
I love photoshop!!! I treat it like a computer game now, haha... It's so fun, i am glad i knew how to use it. In order to be a good photo editor, one must possess a good imagination and have an ideal judgement of good lighting and colour.
Good skill doesn't come from nowhere. It develops from practices.
Friday, December 17, 2004
I am now... Slacking at home. *sobs*
I will be staying at home for 4 days, gosh!!! i can't do it. I can't never stay at home for 4 days without earning any money. *sobs loudly*
It seems to me that motorola has nothing to produce and i have to stay at home for so long. Although i really need some rest to get this swollen finger healed.
Guess which finger this is....
It's my little finger. Amazingly bloated up.
It seems to me that motorola has nothing to produce and i have to stay at home for so long. Although i really need some rest to get this swollen finger healed.
Guess which finger this is....
It's my little finger. Amazingly bloated up.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I am.... The Box folder!!
Doesn't that sound like shark tale's Oscar? "I am... the shark slayer!". For those who doesn't get what i mean then forget it, read on..
You know why i say i am the Box folder? It's not because i fold very fast although i used to be fast (probably i had lost my touch). I used to be a very good box folder. I could flood 2 lines in minutes. Now, i can't even manage 1 line!! What a failure. Why? Why?
Well, want to know the real core reason? Believe it or not, the supervisor helped me fold the box today. This ass (ya, i call him ass because he shout in order to communicate) doesn't have time to watch us, how could he have time to help me fold box? This strange phenomenal. Then, more people came to help me which include the line leader, Shi Shi.
When it's time for me to fold box, people come helping me. When i change jobs, the person folding the box becomes lonely. When i change back, people come rushing to help me. What does this mean?
I have the charisma when i fold box. i feel great! I am the box folder! Do you know how i met one guy? While i was folding boxes
There are side effects of box folding, this...
Cool! this girl looked like a made over pic.
I like this pic of all the pictures i edited. I loved it.
At the same time, for the remembrance of my cute hamster Bui bui who had died last saturday, i made him a wallpaper.
You know why i say i am the Box folder? It's not because i fold very fast although i used to be fast (probably i had lost my touch). I used to be a very good box folder. I could flood 2 lines in minutes. Now, i can't even manage 1 line!! What a failure. Why? Why?
Well, want to know the real core reason? Believe it or not, the supervisor helped me fold the box today. This ass (ya, i call him ass because he shout in order to communicate) doesn't have time to watch us, how could he have time to help me fold box? This strange phenomenal. Then, more people came to help me which include the line leader, Shi Shi.
When it's time for me to fold box, people come helping me. When i change jobs, the person folding the box becomes lonely. When i change back, people come rushing to help me. What does this mean?
I have the charisma when i fold box. i feel great! I am the box folder! Do you know how i met one guy? While i was folding boxes
There are side effects of box folding, this...
If you see red lines, thats
the scratches i got from the boxes i fold,
pretty nasty.
I know i have lots of spots on my arm but just focus your the red lines. Thats only the dorsal end of my arm, the anterior side looks worse.
Alright, now you show you something interesting! My photoshop apprentice skill. Ya, i am new to photoshop. So dun laugh at me.
This was taken at night...
Eww... So ugly. This girl looks like a monster!!
just look at those eyes! i could cry looking at them.
After 2 weeks of intense training on photoshop CS, I finally become photoshop apprentice. You may think it's easy, but it's not.
Cool! this girl looked like a made over pic.
I like this pic of all the pictures i edited. I loved it.
At the same time, for the remembrance of my cute hamster Bui bui who had died last saturday, i made him a wallpaper.
Sorry but i can give away wall papers like that...If you want it, drop me an email !
Monday, December 13, 2004
Arghh, got a bad scratch!
I am fated to run a production line for 2 whole weeks starting from last monday and it really tire me out!!! I would love to go back to logo pasting after these weeks. I hate the people in this shift. They kept putting you anywhere they want like their newspaper. One day, they throw you here the other day you are at another line.
Got a bad scratch (comparing with other small tiny ones) just this afternoon from a very sharp box. Not only cuts, my little finger became a red coloured sausage. It became so swollen that it felt like a fractured finger.
I saw a long lost friend today by chance. That was the person that i longed to give him a treat. Ya, it's a he. He just gave me a wave and walked away. A very stranger-like action. After reading a handbook for nurses i thought about becoming assertive to help myself get a smooth- sailing career.
Being assertive is hard! You have to be strong mentally in order to help stand for your rights.
I totally addicted to photoshop. shitz.
Got a bad scratch (comparing with other small tiny ones) just this afternoon from a very sharp box. Not only cuts, my little finger became a red coloured sausage. It became so swollen that it felt like a fractured finger.
I saw a long lost friend today by chance. That was the person that i longed to give him a treat. Ya, it's a he. He just gave me a wave and walked away. A very stranger-like action. After reading a handbook for nurses i thought about becoming assertive to help myself get a smooth- sailing career.
Being assertive is hard! You have to be strong mentally in order to help stand for your rights.
- firstly, you have to bear with people's feelings. This is solely because you are afraid of hurting your best friend's (for example) feelings.
- Then, you have to bear with gossips about you. While standing up for your rights, you are also creating an out-group for yourself
- let me ask you a question. What happens when you are too assertive? You get aggressive. You are getting over board.
I totally addicted to photoshop. shitz.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Being pure lazy lately.
Do you think there is such a thing as fate? I reckon the definition of fate is where you find one event occuring together for no reason . Answer yes all these questions and my definition is right.
- Is fate when a stranger kept meeting up with you without a date?
- Is fate having a very good pattern of events?
- Is fate having 2 persons that hate eachother start to love themselves?
- Is fate thinking that god is playing tricks together?
Ya the last one is a bit stupid. Sometime when i thought something was fate but in the end it wasn't, it was coincidental. Just like the last time, this guy and I kept getting together by coincidence. First, i was same ward with him for 2 weeks. Then we were the only ones that failed our practical test that day. In the end, i found out that it was all a coincidence, not fate.
I think we meet certain people in our lives is fate. I get myself into knowing people with the same interest as me.
Me, a BGR virgin. Never ask me about relationships, i have no experience at them. Go on... Ask me why i didn't have a boyfriend for the past 17 years. The reason is simple, i have very little contact with guys. Probably fate says i can't get into a relationship until 20 or something. I've always wished to meet someone who will be my boyfriend.
Another reason is i am not charismatic enough to grap hold of guys attention. The type of boy who like me are very rare. either 1 or 2 out of 10000. The chance is so tiny.
Friday, December 03, 2004
I am back from a rigorous battle
I staggered out of the jaws of death, holding on to anything i see. It's burning!
This was what I experience for the past 48 hours. It all started out with this wierd dream I had on tuesday night. There was this silent killer who equipped himself with a knife and hunt down people to kill. Rumours say that he was last found at the MRT trains.
I was standing there at the entrance of the train when i saw this couple embrace each other openly. A few minutes later, the guy strangled the gal with his elbow and slash her neck with his knife. Blood was splurting out of the wound and the look on the gal's face was horrifying. I still remember her words," Run!"
I dashed out of the door once the next station came. I ran so fast that I lost the silent killer. When i got back to the platform, i found my great auntie crying for her son. I learned that his son was also dead.
Erm, my dream aren't really very original though. It was adapted from metal gear solid 3. My brother kept playing it until i got influenced.
This stupid scene gave me that nightmare.
The next morning i was having a slight fever and my hand felt like burning. I still have the will the go to work that wednesday afternoon. That day, i felt the air conditioning was very cold although i knew i was just getting sick. My colleague even help me keep warm with her jacket.
Yesterday, i couldn't get out of bed, my head was spinning and was on fire. I lied on bed from morning till 5pm. No breakfast and lunch. At the moment i thought i had SARS or malaria. But none of the symptoms point to SARS (dry cough), malaria(red spots). So i thought i was safe. For the hours on bed i did frequent sponging with the fan on to cool myself down. I felt like nursing myself was fun.
That was all that had happened the last 3 days whilst i was away. I regret for letting all of you read the same thing for the last 3 days. gtg tug in now.
This was what I experience for the past 48 hours. It all started out with this wierd dream I had on tuesday night. There was this silent killer who equipped himself with a knife and hunt down people to kill. Rumours say that he was last found at the MRT trains.
I was standing there at the entrance of the train when i saw this couple embrace each other openly. A few minutes later, the guy strangled the gal with his elbow and slash her neck with his knife. Blood was splurting out of the wound and the look on the gal's face was horrifying. I still remember her words," Run!"
I dashed out of the door once the next station came. I ran so fast that I lost the silent killer. When i got back to the platform, i found my great auntie crying for her son. I learned that his son was also dead.
Erm, my dream aren't really very original though. It was adapted from metal gear solid 3. My brother kept playing it until i got influenced.
This stupid scene gave me that nightmare.
The next morning i was having a slight fever and my hand felt like burning. I still have the will the go to work that wednesday afternoon. That day, i felt the air conditioning was very cold although i knew i was just getting sick. My colleague even help me keep warm with her jacket.
Yesterday, i couldn't get out of bed, my head was spinning and was on fire. I lied on bed from morning till 5pm. No breakfast and lunch. At the moment i thought i had SARS or malaria. But none of the symptoms point to SARS (dry cough), malaria(red spots). So i thought i was safe. For the hours on bed i did frequent sponging with the fan on to cool myself down. I felt like nursing myself was fun.
That was all that had happened the last 3 days whilst i was away. I regret for letting all of you read the same thing for the last 3 days. gtg tug in now.
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