Depression = powerless + worthlessness
I am not teaching you first class maths for your info but the definition for Depression is simply just like that. Currently i am getting myself into depression becuase of the nursing sponsorship. I can't even get into any sponsorships from any of the hospital in singapore even though the love of nursing is still burning in my heart. I really feel hopeless in this aspect of my life.
The person controlling my fate is preventing me from experiencing any happiness at all. He likes suffering and torture. I first started out as a deprived child, with my problem, I am unable to do most things a normal child can do.
Even simple ADLs (activities of daily living) like bathing was such a pain. I couldn't bathe in ease, every part of my body pricked when a drop of water touched my body. I screamed and yelled in order to make the pain stop. Even neighbours heard my screaming and they thought I've got raped.
If bathing was a pain, talking about going for a big splash in the swimming pool is out of the question. While kids were having fun, I watched in tears of sorrow.
I finally found my way up to schooling in nursery 1 and I made life difficult for my mom, I couldn't controll the itch and I was 'expelled' from the school 2 days in nursery. This really feels like an autistic child always get rejected from school for distraction. Cham(very unlucky) rite? Wait till you see more...
In kindergarden 1, i finally went to school without the teacher complain about me being very distracted in class. Once again I felt very happy that i can be able to learn something with minute amounts of distraction though (still scratching away in class). I was also a loner, my mother had to help me find a friend, I feel so pathetic.
Life stinks when classmates avoid you and spread rumours about what you are. They bully me because I was powerless to them. Read this entry about my secondary school life .
Students aren't the only people around who have negative reactions towards me. Teachers too!!
When i started primary 1, the teacher was unhappy with my skin and said i must bathe 2 to 3 times a day. I mean like this is very stupid thing to do. Can't bathing cause my skin to be very dry? I still remember the scene when my teacher met my mother.
The bitch tugged my sleeve tightly and didn't want to let me go. All she wanted was to see my mother and get her to make me bathe 3 times a day. Come to think of it she was a real kaypoh(busybody) teacher.
We sat at the stone table near the school field she say, " I suggest you bathe her 3 times every day." Giving me that idiotic look on her face.
Even teachers can't close one eye about my skin.
Let me give you another example of a teacher very discriminated about my skin. I was primary 4 and i missed 3 days of school just because I caught a very bad virus. This malicious teacher doesn't understand a shit about of what i did for 3 days.
That week i missed was a NAPFA test week. The day I came back she shot me loads of rubbish,
"I had to set up the six items for 'you' again!" She especially specified on that YOU and gave me a face of devils. When the test was set up, i saw 2 other boys from my class taking that test too. What is the meaning of this, giving me public scoldings was good enough and now she talks like a hypocrite.
I will never forget the teacher who thought me English, math, science in primary 6. She called me a cockroach when i went back to school to see her. Such ungratefull people. The dumbest advise i heard in my life was , " don't scratch!" Ya, with no rationale or anything. Like I can control the neurons that flow to my brain.
You see... Such a life is so painful and deserved to be forgotten.
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