Free at last...

I am free from responsibilities, free from mistakes, free from lethargy, free from being ordered around and free from any real world stress for the entire 3 weeks.

Looking back at the entries I had made. In the May 26 2005 entry , I had predicted the following outcomes:

1. A black and long face like the staff in this ward
2. Have pain when I smile
3. little or no pride in my work
4. hatred when serving people
5. have sense of drag everytime I go to work

Ok, I am really a bad future forecast because 1 to 4 didn't turned out as expected for the whole 2 weeks. I smiled happily throughout this whole attachment simply because all the patients in my ward really touched me even their relatives. I loved the patients.

For no. 5, I agree to it wholeheartedly. For the whole of this week, I drag to go to work because of ZCL. I can't stand the way she treats me. However, I loved to see my ex-staff from 12B every morning. Sad to say, I never get to meet my nurse Idol, Kathy.

I wondered why I had to suffer the fate of being lonely and tortured at the same time. It felt like hell handling TPRs and feedings all by myself. Nobody ever sympathise me except one person. Hiding feelings from someone hurts me. Sometimes it kills me badly when my colleague orders me around like as if she is one of the staff in the ward.

What made it worse would be the cleaner using the unit nursing officer as a shield to entitle her to be inferior. So what if you know the UNO? You don't have to be such a pain in the ass while speaking to me. Something as small as puting the bedpan in the correct place will make the UNO fail me? Oh come on, she has more important things to do than this 芝麻绿豆 matter.

Having an accident happening under my name in the report written by the NO could really make me suspect whether she had 2 faces.

But 我还是我, no setback can put me down to as low as depression. I pick up anything from scratch without you knowing it.

Using positive reasoning can solve anything.

Loneliness doesn't effect me at all, I accept god of luck's arrangement. Even so, I started learning to depending on myself as young as 13 years old. GOL took away my dad to leave me in a canopy of darkness. Ok, what is done is done. I had to learn from scratch to get independence from my dad. What I used to rely on him, has to be corrected.

Doing TPR and feeding alot doesn't mean anything bad but help me sharpen my skills. Moreover, i have learned to be more effecient each time I feed a patient.

About people ordering me everywhere, I do more, I learn more. I gain more from it.

There... Everything is solved psychologically.

Har, talking about patients making me feel touched. There was this ah pek who doubted my strength, in the end he surrendered and said, "看不出来，看不出来". I wanted to tell him that I have lifted someone thrice as heavy as you up the bed before.简直是小巫见大巫。

My last day ended with the sister asking me several questions of the same nature for the third time. Her anger stepped back when she spoke to me. I can't believe a tyrant can say sympathising words to me. It made me think again about pointing that middle finger at the ward I held back for 3 weeks.

My sister doesn't fit to be a NO. She wants to have a good name, however after the incident I caused slightly diminished her wishes. Why does she care so much about what other people say about her??? What matters is that her conscience is clear. 1 incident doesn't represent anything, accidents happen. Sigh, not a really hardy NO. Haven't you thought about the good things that happened in the ward?

All because of a complain, you think the whole ward is lousy. Have you ever thought that a world without complains won't be as fast-paced and challenging? A complain drives us to understand our mistake and not to repeat them. A way of calling it a motivation with a touch of negative effects in our emotions.

Sigh, she is so old and she has alot to learn. To learn to control her anger, and take things as it is. One setback enables a person to even more successes.